My Battle

I wrote a few months ago about how I am a dragon slayer. I must confess that I may have met my match. The beast I am currently battling has been a long fought opponent. A month ago today our battle started. It was one of the toughest battles I've ever fought and for a week, it was everything I could do just to keep up. It attacked my heart causing lots of pain and difficulty, but through the prayers of others I was able to fight back. Finally, it looked as though I had the advantage, but then this enormous beast reared a somewhat unexpected second head. The first head continued to attack my heart, but the second attacked my head. These two heads worked in tandem and have really done a number on me. Just when I finally start beating one back, the other attacks. This is without mentioning the other minor dragons I'm still battling every day. Between the emotional stress the first has caused and continues to cause and the mental stress from the second head, the battle is wearing me down - against impossible odds, I know I cannot win this on my own. This morning as I thought about this battle and wondered if I will ever win. You see, two headed dragons are nearly impossible to defeat because while you battle one, the other attacks. There isn't much hope for one knight - however strong - to prevail.

There is reason for hope however, because I know my King would not send me into a battle in which I cannot prevail. If I am about to fall, He will step in and save me. It is so hard to trust that when the dragon is about to deal a fatal blow His staff will save me. Why is it hard to trust? I know that He is watching, waiting to step in if I need Him. Why doesn't He step in now? He knows that I need to learn to fight on my own, but He will make sure that as I learn, I am still safe.

Last week I dealt the second head a blow that could prove fatal, but it was not the death blow I needed. I have given it a lethal blow this week, but it will probably take a month to die. I will continue to try to destroy this head, because with this one attacking me, I know I can never win. Additionally, I have discovered that the shield of prayer has become very effective against the first head. As long as I can maintain this shield (mostly by the help of others) I can continue to fight off the second head long enough to destroy it and come to a point where I can finally achieve victory.

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?

When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh

My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell

Psalm 27: 1-2

There are also some helpers that I have in this battle. Each day my loving wife is there to tend to my wounds and help keep me nourished for the next round. Additionally, when the attack on my heart yields a wound, she and my daughters are there to provide healing for that as well. My team will overcome the foe in the end...

So until I win this battle, I'm back to my mission...